Natural Pleasures

k9yR5E29T9mXIjafHKkZRA

Our walks often take us past this meadow behind the apartment complex.  It is possibly a wetland preserve.  I don’t know.  For whatever reason, it is undisturbed.  Today we paused to listen to the bird chorus.

Further along, we came upon this tree in bloom.  I’ve always called them “feather duster trees,” lacking the proper name.  Some have tan, dirty-looking flowers, but this one was glorious pink.

IMG_0011

The wild grape vines are flourishing this summer.  One vine was waving in the air, seeking to grab hold of something, only there was no purchase nearby.

IMG_0017

We were delighted to find some ripe wild black cap berries.  There’s nothing like the sweet-tart taste of a berry right off the bush.

IMG_0021

The last pleasurable surprise was a baby mantis, rescued from a basin with slick sides.

6oSSFBhwRESxrrX%jUgboA

Before COVID-19, we would never be out walking on a weekday morning. Thus are the strange yet lovely joys emerging from social isolation.

Note: apologies to readers–some posts are missing photos.  I mistakenly thought I was cleaning up my media library and later realized my good intentions removed the same photos from the posts as well.  I don’t know how to reinstate them.  Sorry.

Escaping Verizon Wireless

person in black jacket holding smartphone

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

For several years now, we’ve been paying an exorbitant phone bill. Verizon enjoyed charging us $185 per month for two phones and unlimited data. When I’d ask the assistants in the Verizon store in town, “Can’t you lower this bill?” their answer was, “Oh, sure! When you’ve paid off your phones, it will go down $20 a month.”

Wow.

A friend said she and her husband used the new Spectrum Mobile carrier and were only paying $28.50. They had no complaints. That sounded good to me, so I called Spectrum. I got a pleasant young woman in South Carolina. “Oh, you don’t need unlimited data based on your usage,” she told me. “You’ll be fine with the $28 plan, and if you use more data, it’s only $14 a gig.”

I signed us up.

A few days later, the new Spectrum SIM cards came in the mail, and my trials began. First, I had to figure out how to get our phones out of their cases and open the iPhones. I mastered those tasks. Then I was supposed to go online to Spectrum and follow the directions to activate the phones. Easy, right? No way.

oneplus smartphone black and white sim

Photo by Silvie Lindemann on Pexels.com

Before we could activate our phones, we had to have them unlocked. In order to unlock the phones, we had to pay them off. That made sense. But no, we couldn’t pay them off on the phone, we had to go to the store.

At the Verizon store, a youngish guy with an ineffective mask took my money and announced we were paid and clear to go. However, I didn’t escape the store without a dire warning from the manager that I would be sorry sorry sorry to leave Verizon, because Spectrum had lousy service. And those fools who had left Verizon had come slinking back.

Back online to Spectrum I went, and discovered that my husband’s phone was unlocked, but mine wasn’t. I was told to contact Verizon.

Have you tried to contact Verizon? It is not easy. I spent about four hours that afternoon, first chatting with two different Verizon chat people. Finally, one said, “Oh, no, we can’t unlock your phone from here. You have to call the tech support guy.”

Well, the tech support guy messed around for a while and finally said that something that sounded like “FIMA” wasn’t unlocking so I should call the super-tech. I spent about another hour with the super-tech (who happens to live in Arkansas and has two grown girls and came from New Zealand—we had a lot of wait time). He eventually had me erase everything and start over. Unlocked?

Nope.

I went online later that night and Spectrum advised me to call my carrier because I needed a “number transfer pin.” I was borderline hysterical by now, so I waited til the next morning.

First thing, I called the number Spectrum messaged me, and got the information that, as of three weeks ago, Verizon was requiring these number transfer pins. If you call Verizon to get one, the recording just tells you to go online. That’s when I discovered that we’d been messing around with my phone so much that I couldn’t access my Verizon account.

I called the Verizon tech support, waited on hold for another long while, and finally got Amy. I burst into tears while explaining my problem. She put me through a long list of steps, downloading the Verizon app, resetting passwords and account owners and on and on. Finally that was straightened out. But could she give me the precious PIN? No. I had to get it online.

At this point, I was terrified. I’d had two new passwords and reset things and I was afraid to push a key and get locked out of my account again (back to square one). But, blessings upon us, I managed to navigate to the right place and click on the right icon, and LO! Verizon messaged me my PIN.

What a nightmare! I do suspect that Verizon makes exiting difficult so that customers will just give up and keep paying. However, we appear to be free for now. Whew.

Fear and Longing

60798422710__BA8A25AE-DEE1-4DB4-9C25-111A89A00362

My granddaughters live three states away. I haven’t seen them since January. The enforced separation is causing tears and heartache—on both sides. For me, though, as the aging adult, the longing is confused and aggravated by fear.

I’m close to seventy years old. What if I die before we can be together again? This strange and virulent disease could be the end of me. Other younger folk are often less anxious. Today we ventured out to a D.IY. store to get some needed house supplies. Although most of the customers had on masks, there was an atmosphere of laxity that I found alarming.

I hurried through the store, flinging air filters and bug spray into our cart. On the checkout line, the man in front of us had no mask. I commented on this and pulled back further. My husband, whose dementia blanks out the crisis daily, made a joke about the fellow being a tough guy.

“It’s not funny!” I shouted. I moved our cart to the self-checkout lane and rushed out of the store.

I don’t know if we’ll attempt another shopping trip. I truly felt unsafe, and also angry that others’ cavalier attitudes force me to take risks.

When I asked my doctor about the advisability of visiting the family, he said, “Sure, you can walk with them outdoors.”

“Oh, no, but they live five hours away,” I said.

“Nope.”

If this social isolation lasts months longer, I may reassess the risks versus the emptiness. For now, though, we’re back in the apartment, too far away.

1lMrcOolQbC9MVmPJKqlrw

Jigsaw Puzzles in the Time of COVID

0h8Clc%tSP+NxNTb+FZJdw

Next to our kitchen we have a folding table devoted to a jigsaw puzzle. How many have we completed since March? Maybe five or six. Most have 1000 pieces. Some, like the one below, were difficult and frustrating. Usually the hardest bits are large areas of one color or a gradation of similar colors, like an expanse of ocean or sky.

fullsizeoutput_2151

My husband likes to join me when I work on a puzzle. His struggles are doubled because of his dementia and his red-green color weakness. Still, he likes the companionship of doing this together.

The most difficult puzzle came as a holiday gift. It involved puzzles within a puzzle. First challenge: there were only two shapes in the edges. Usually we start by searching out all the flat edge pieces that make the frame. To assemble the frame of this “Escape” puzzle, we had to match the colors and design. But—second challenge–the picture of the puzzle IS NOT the picture on the cover! So we were left without a reliable reference.

It took me a while to figure that out. For example, on the cover there is a black and white cat sitting on a pink stool. In the puzzle–no cat.

Once we had all the pieces in place—not necessarily the right place—we realized that there were codes and math problems to solve in order to find the antidote to the poison taken by the chef in the story that accompanies the puzzle. Along with the story came a sealed envelope with the solution. We were able to decipher some of the codes and runes, but (I sadly confess) we gave up and peeked at the answer.

IMG_7632 (1)

Some of our friends say vehemently, “I hate jigsaw puzzles.” I, for one, enjoy the challenge, and the satisfaction of tapping a piece into place. A while ago, a puzzle aficionado and friend purchased several boxes of jigsaw puzzles. We’ve been passing them around among our socially distanced group. Each time someone finishes a puzzle, she signs the inside of the box top.

E2PX1CUOSl+uDFknn+WMUA

Sometimes a critical voice in my head asks me why I’m wasting my time on this activity. “It’s relaxing and it’s fun,” I say, so I tell the voice to shut up, and go back to peacefully doing the puzzle.

PoG5ObvhRHS2KPfcczqcJQ

Bird Feeder, Briefly

 

bird wildlife no person nature

Photo by daniyal ghanavati on Pexels.com

Three days ago, we hung a bird feeder from our balcony. The first day, we had no customers.  By day two, the birds had discovered this new, no-work source of food.  The sparrows and finches came in hoards.  My husband said, “This is better than TV!”

28Py8pJgSouuwMLrVTjhig

That same day, we moved the feeder to the corner of the balcony so the wasted seeds would fall away from the neighbor’s deck below us.  The birds were going through the seeds so fast that I ordered two more bags and a suet cake.

We had some special visitors: a redwing blackbird, and a downy woodpecker came by.  Our downstairs neighbor to the left installed a gigantic tube feeder on day three.  The birds told all their friends.

On day four, I got an email from the manager of our apartment complex.  We are asking everyone to take down their bird feeders.  They cause a mess and draw unwanted pests.

Down came the bird feeder.  In its place we hung our wind chimes. I canceled the order for more seed and suet.  I cleaned the bird poop off the railing.

We’ll miss watching the bird show out our glass door.  Now we’ll have to get our bird watching at the college pond and friends’ houses.  Too bad.

selective focus photo of downy woodpecker on tree trunk

Photo by Dariusz Grosa on Pexels.com

The Wrong Poem

I am not wrong. Wrong is not my name.
– writing prompt from June Jordan 

 

An old boyfriend of mine once asked me, “What would be the defining phrase of your life?”

 

 

My name is not wrong.

My name is not good enough.

The pink eraser is there

on top of the pencil,

but if I use it,

I am not good enough.

 

The algebra twists me

into paroxysms of wails

x is unknown

y is imperfect.

I am not A or B, but

my C is wrong, and

I am not good enough.

 

The big father raises his eyebrow

when I say what I know.

He doesn’t like what I know.

He says I can think it

but I can’t say it

because my truth is wrong, and

I am not good enough.

 

The yogi man and his ex-wife

tell me how

to bring back a slackening brain,

to fight the blackening blankness,

with COQ10 and mushroom powder,

exercise and cortex power.

Even if I do all they say, all day,

every day.

I will still be

not good enough.

 

NGE

My Musical Ambitions

dulcimer

When I was ten years old, I told my mother, “I don’t want to take piano lessons anymore.” She answered that she’d let me stop lessons, but added, “You’ll regret it when you’re older.”

Truer words…

At age nine, I had already begun playing guitar. After a few lessons from a college student, I learned to play enough chords to accompany myself as I sang. Although I’ve never gotten much better, the guitar has been a mainstay. But spurred by fantasies–I kept acquiring other instruments.

Sometime during college I bought a cheap dulcimer. It was little more than a trapezoid box with four strings. I tried hard but unsuccessfully to figure out the chords Joni Mitchell used in her recordings. Later, my first husband gave me an exquisite dulcimer. Made in Asheville, N.C., it had a matched wood back and friction tuning pegs (tricky). Its beauty did not improve my playing.

During my college years, I also bought a saz. What was I thinking? I probably got it because it was so pretty. This I never learned to play.

saz

Another instrument attempt was a violin. I may have traded in my classical Aria guitar for the fiddle. I even took lessons from a master fiddler. My cat would be stretched out in a patch of sun. When I opened the violin case, he’d sit up in alarm. Then he’d bolt for the nearest exit.

Now let me pause here and say that I did actually practice these instruments—for a while. The desire to play didn’t carry over into the rigor of daily scales. My interest wasn’t focused and I’d drift away.

By this time, I knew quite well that musical proficiency requires obsessive practice. It didn’t stop my musical dreams. In Ireland, I bought a couple of pennywhistles and a bodhran (round Irish drum). At home in New York, a little red concertina caught my eye.

My most recent indulgence was a harmonium. I intended to accompany the chanting of kirtan. The instrument still sits in the corner of the living room under a yellow quilted cover. To play this particular harmonium, it must be lifted out of its box to rest on two tiny supports. That in itself makes access difficult. Soon after I bought it, the harmonium developed a sticky key. It’s not hard to pick out simple melodies on the keyboard. But, as with all my musical acquisitions, the harmonium languishes in the corner while I engage in my preferred creative pursuits.

We sold most of the other instruments when we downsized to the apartment. I still have my guitar, the harmonium, and a couple of pennywhistles. In my next lifetime, if I can’t be enlightened, I hope to become a proficient musician.

harmonium

The Help

expecting                                                                                               

While reading Expecting Adam by Martha Beck, I had an epiphany of sorts. In her memoir, Beck tells the story of the birth of her second child, a son named Adam, who has Down syndrome. During the gestation period, Beck experiences multiple contacts with a spiritual presence or presences. She calls them “Bunraku puppeteers,” likening them to the black-clad artists who manipulate the life-sized puppets in Bunraku plays in Japan.

Beck’s pregnancy is harrowing, plagued with serious ill health and emotional trauma as she and her husband anticipate the birth of this “imperfect” child. And yet she continues to get loving help and messages from the “puppeteers” and from her unborn son. Her husband also receives guidance from this other realm.

While reading this story, I recalled events in my life that have indicated the presence of benevolent helpers. These helpers seem to form four groups.

  1. The Nudgers

The Nudgers either insert thoughts of kind action into our minds, or push us to put an idea into action. Particularly when I’m in meditation, I’ll be given a thought that may persist for days until I finally act on the suggestion.

  1. The Visitors

The Visitors are spirit presences who briefly come into the physical world to assist in a particular situation, often a dangerous one. The best and most recent example in my experience occurred on a warm day last fall.

My husband and I were returning to New Paltz on Albany Post Road. I was driving. After the stop sign at the fork of Albany Post Road and Route 299, I turned right, coming up on Wallkill View Farms. There were many cars in the parking lot, and Route 299 was also busy with traffic. I’m not a speedy driver, so I was probably going about 40 miles per hour when a white car pulled out from the parking lot, directly in front of me. To the right were a fence and rows of parked cars. To the left was the other side of the road. With no time to consider, I slammed on the brakes and swung left into the opposite lane.

A black sporty car was barreling toward us. The driver swerved off the road. It  almost felt choreographed. No cars crashed. Shakily, I pulled into the parking lot. The black car came and stopped next to us. The driver was livid. He sputtered and yelled, but I don’t recall his words. I do remember babbling something about angels, either that he was one or one had been present. He made a snarky reply. For me, the sense of presence was strong, and still is.

angel 1

  1. The Saints

The Saints are those enlightened souls who have chosen to incarnate and assist us blundering human beings in our lives on planet Earth. I am blessed to have spent time in the loving presence of one of these amazing personages, but that’s another story.

  1. The Avatars

The Avatars are God incarnate. These are the great leaders. Some, like Jesus, were/are quite prominent, and some have done—and do–their work modestly and quietly.

virgen de guadalipe

For Beck, the birth of her son and raising him changed her entire way of being in the world. Her story reinforced my experience that helpers are there if we only open up and let them come in.

adam and martha

                                                                            Martha Beck and Adam

Ferns in Santa Barbara

fullsizeoutput_227e

This maidenhair fern is flourishing in our apartment.  It’s a first for me, having success with a fern.  But all of our houseplants are happy. The light is diffused by the curtains and it shines all day through the glass doors of the dining area.

Whenever I water my plants, I’m reminded of my brief employment as a worker in a commercial greenhouse in Santa Barbara.  It’s amazing that the manager even hired me, because all the other workers there were Latinos.  He assigned me to the Boston ferns.

greenhouse1

The greenhouse itself was huge.  The ferns were propagated on one end.  At the other end were the more delicate tropical plants, like African violets.  Massive fans at either end cooled the building.  Despite the constant wind, the greenhouse was hot and humid.

Only women worked in the ferns.  We moved among long  raised boxes of soil with racks of hanging ferns overhead.  The process, as I remember it, was to remove baby ferns from the mature hanging plants and put them in the beds below.  When the babies grew large enough, we transferred them to small plastic pots.  Eventually, those ferns were ready to be put into a hanging pot.

I liked working with the ferns.  It was often quiet, although Spanish erupted and flew around in bursts.  The women were cheery and kind.  They taught me what to do.  I learned their names, but not much else.  Today, were I in the same job, I would have asked more questions and learned more Spanish.   At that time, I was in my twenties and the boundaries of my world were more self-involved and limited.

After a few weeks, we were joined by another white woman.  She had a couple of kids and was struggling to provide for them.  Cindy had a wry sense of humor.  She kept me entertained.  I enjoyed working with her until she started pushing her religion on me.  Cindy was Christian.  She seemed to feel it was her duty to convert me.  Things weren’t so amusing after that.

One afternoon, an official-looking van parked outside the greenhouse.  Two of the male workers were taken away by the I.N.S.  The women huddled together and whispered. I didn’t know much about illegal immigrants.  The event confused me more than anything else.  Of course, the majority of the greenhouse workers were probably illegal.

A couple of months into the job, the other workers and I began to suffer from sore throats and headaches.  It wasn’t difficult to connect these symptoms to the pesticides being sprayed at the other end of the greenhouse.

ferns1

I complained to the manager.  “The chemicals are making us sick.  Can’t you spray after hours?”

“You only smell the additives they put in.  It’s not harmful,” he answered.

But I could see the skull and crossbones and read the instructions on the bottles.  I could see the special masks worn by the men who sprayed the plants.

A couple of days later, I was “let go.”

plant

Nose Power

patchouli

 

If you’re close to my age, the scent of patchouli oil is likely to evoke memories of dark, stuffy dorm rooms, tie-dyed clothing or marijuana highs. Although I wasn’t deeply into that sixties scene, I do like the fragrance of patchouli. So does my much younger daughter-in-law. My best friend from college years hates it. These days, I prefer to use the oil in my diffuser, along with geranium and sweet orange.

nose 1

The nose and the brain work together to detect smells. Olfaction, the sense of smell, is the process of detecting and processing chemicals present in the air. When these chemicals enter the nose, the olfactory system takes over to process them. Sometimes a fragrance may be enjoyable, such as perfume or the smell of cookies baking in the oven. The olfactory system also processes undesirable scents in conjunction with the brain.   The sense of smell is the only one of the five senses that delivers immediate responses with instantaneous recognition and response.

                                                                                    —         http://www.fragrancex.com

 

Another scent that I enjoy is chlorine. The only explanation I can find is that it connects with my childhood and the swimming pool we had in Los Angeles. I practically lived in that pool as soon as the weather permitted. My father was in charge of pool maintenance. We had a filter system with three huge tanks that he monitored, regularly releasing the chlorine gas from a valve on the top. So, today I like the smell of bleach.

 

As a kid, I liked the smell of gasoline. That carried over to sniffing the top of my father’s cigarette lighter. These days I find those odors repugnant, as well as the smoke of cigarettes and cigars, even though I grew up smelling all of them.

nose 2

The odor of coffee is another favorite of mine, as I imagine it is for many people. I don’t drink coffee, but the smell evokes pleasant childhood memories of early mornings in California, with my mother seated at the dining room table, a steaming cup in front of her.

 

Two smells I don’t like are vanilla and coconut, but only in cosmetics. I love foods with coconut in them, and I enjoy the flavor of vanilla in ice cream and cake. I can detect both odors in lotions and shampoos, and they make me recoil. I have no explanation for that.

nose 3

As the brain processes scents, it accesses connections between specific smells and memories. This is why a scent can conjure up a memory of an event, place, time, or person. The limbic system sits in the center of the brain, and it has a direct connection with the central nervous system.

                                                                                                — www.fragrancex.com

 

I have a particularly sensitive sense of smell. Sometimes I find myself in a place where the odor of a person or air freshener or food makes it almost impossible for me to stay put. I can even tell when someone has not showered before dressing in the morning. There’s a certain bed odor that clings to the body.

 

In humans, about 300 active olfactory receptor genes are devoted to detecting thousands of different fragrance molecules through a large family of olfactory receptors of a diverse protein sequence. The sense of smell plays an important role in the physiological effects of mood, stress, and working capacity.

                                                                                                — www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

 

 

What odors do you love? What memories do they evoke?

nose 4