Alex 6

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Alex is sitting on a bench in the small bus station.  A fluorescent light flickers in the fixture above his head.  It is 3 a.m. and he’s waiting for daylight.  In four hours he’ll be able to get some coffee somewhere.  For now, he’s waits. 

He’s got his iPhone plugged into an outlet.  Even if it was charged, he couldn’t call anyone.  Certainly not Gram or his father.  They’d only yell at him for getting kicked out of the Hostel.  He did think about calling, and he weighed the options for several minutes.  His dad would just add this fuck-up to the long list he keeps of all Alex’s fuck-ups, going way back to high school.  Alex hears the Interlocutor’s voice calling him to confess.  He decides not to acknowledge him.  Instead he lights the remains of a cigarette he found in the bus station’s ashtray. 

The smokes keep his dreams in their place.  That’s why he was smoking in the Hostel’s kitchen.  The dream of the black corks coming at him to stop his breath was doing that throbbing thing.  Alex had to smoke or be suffocated.  He knew he’d be locked out if he stepped outside to smoke, so he opened a window and sat by it, blowing the smoke out carefully. 

            He got caught.  Someone saw him and called the manager, an Algerian guy with a really scary face.  Alex had to pack up all his stuff. He dragged the bags down the street to the bus station.  It was only after he got there that he realized he’d left his food in the fridge.  Maybe he can pick it up in the morning.

            He’s hungry now, but he’s used to being hungry.  In the City, at his mom’s, there was hardly ever anything to eat.  Sometimes she’d make some nasty bean concoction.  After he lost his SSDI, Alex had to guilt trip his mom to get a little cash for a sandwich.  And he’d have to listen to her go on about how she couldn’t afford to support him and he had to get back to handing out fliers so he’d make some money.

            Alex looks out the window to the edge of the parking lot.  He sees a small moving shape.  It’s the fox again.  She’s never very far away, but she usually stays in the shadows, like this.  She is after his liver and Alex has to be constantly vigilant when he’s outdoors in the nighttime.  Once he fell asleep in the park after smoking some really strong weed.  It was in the summer.  He fell asleep on the grass.  The fox came so close he could hear her panting.  She tried to bite his rib cage but he rolled away and she just got his shirt with her teeth.  He sat up and yelled and slapped at her snout.  She ran back into the trees.  Alex’s friends woke up and they were scared.  Scared of Alex, not the fox.

Alex V

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Alex has a secret.  Sometimes he has a special power.  He can use his eyes in a certain way and the girl he wants to fuck just slides toward him.  The power gives Alex just the right words to say, and the golden rays shine out of his eyes.  The power, when he has it, can illuminate the girl’s aura.  It makes her glow and vibrate in a rainbow halo. 

            The problem with the power is that Alex can’t control it.  He’s been working on this for a few years now.  He knows that beer dulls the power but weed enhances it.  He figures that’s why the Rastafarians use ganja as a religious rite.  They must have a link to the same power.  He’s read a lot about the Rastas, trying to suss out more but the answers he wanted weren’t there.

            The power affects his speech and his eyes.  When he has it, he can be so incredibly deep and eloquent that he astounds himself.  Alex knows he’s intelligent.  When he has the power, he’s brilliant.  Like the time he was explaining the five levels of his dreams to Lisa and her friend Sandra.  The way they looked at him, with such wide-eyed awe.  He knocked their socks off.

            Alex can feel the power when it comes on.  It’s like a warm humming in his root chakra.  At first he thought it was the kundalini energy awakening.  He researched kundalini and decided that this power wasn’t the vital energy the Indian sages talked about.  It was something different.  Alex’s current theory is that he’s an Indigo child, part of a new, more evolved race on Earth.

Alex 3

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Gram won’t let Alex sleep at her house.  She says it’s because he smokes. Even if he smokes outside, he still stinks up the house.  His dad lives there too, but ‘s Gram’s house and she calls the shots.

            Alex remembers that there was a time he stayed in Gram’s house for almost a year.  His dreams were loud in that house.  Maybe because the house was so quiet.   Except when he did something that pissed Gram off.  Like the time he shaved his head and left hair all over the bathroom.  He really believed he’d cleaned it up.  Gram was so mad that after she cleaned it up, she dumped the whole trashcan full over his laptop.  All those little bits of hair stuck between the keys.

            And the time he lost his key to the front door.  He came in through the basement window.  Gram heard him thumping onto the floor.  She almost called the police.  Alex remembers how he looked up from the cold cement floor and saw Gram framed in the lit doorway.  She was pointing her .22 right at him.

            Alex smiles.  He’s pretzeled up on a short sofa in a guy’s apartment.  Alex can’t remember the guy’s name.  They met earlier at the coffee bar.  After a bit of friendly talk, Alex asked him if he knew a place where Alex could crash.  So here he is.  The apartment is pretty sleazy, but Alex has seen worse.  And it’s warm, considering that outside it’s below freezing.

            Alex thinks maybe he should try to stop smoking.  Maybe he’ll tell Gram that he’s gonna  quit and she’ll let him stay at the house.  It’s nice there.  The bathroom is always clean and Gram makes big pots of lentil soup.

            The last time Alex asked to stay there, Gram said that the smoking was just one problem.  She said she didn’t feel comfortable or even safe with Alex in the house.  That he was unpredictable and he had a history of being violent.

            Alex shifts his long legs and hangs them over the back of the sofa.  Gram was talking about the time in the car, after he was released from the hospital.  Dad was driving him down the Thruway to the City.  But Alex didn’t want to go to his mom’s in the City.  He wanted to get back on the street in town with his friends.  He wanted to get back to the way things were before they got him picked up.  So he grabbed the steering wheel.

            Gram said Alex almost killed himself and his father.  Alex doesn’t remember doing any of that.  He was in the car and then he was back on the ward. 

Alex 2

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“But Dad, you don’t get it.  Billy’s friend says that I have to call the judge.  I can plead guilty and then we won’t be wasting his time in court.”  Alex blows into the fingers that are not holding the iPhone.  It’s really cold on the street corner.

            “Alex, it’s Sunday.  You can’t call anyone at court today.  Besides, I don’t think that’s an acceptable procedure.”

            “Dad, I have to talk to the judge.  Do you have his number?”

            “No, I don’t, Alex.  It’s probably unlisted, and I’m sure the judge has a secretary who takes his calls.”

            “Look, I get that I’m not innocent.  I’ll just cop to driving with a suspended license and take the fine.”

            “We’re hoping that the judge will be lenient, given your medical history.  We talked about that, remember?  I’d like to get that $500 fine reduced,” says Alex’s father.

            “Jeez, Dad!  All you care about is the money.  You’re gonna let me go to jail for thirty days.  That really sucks!”

            “That’s not what I said, Alex.”

            Alex clicks off the iPhone.  His dad is such a jerk.  Billy’s friend said to talk to the judge.  And anyway, the new doctor gave Alex a clean bill of health.  Alex can barely remember the first time they picked him up.  He’d done something—ecstasy?—and he was out on the flats, in a cornfield, and the ball of light came down out of the sky and the aliens came and touched him.  After that, he got back in town somehow, and his dad and Gram met him a restaurant.  All the people he saw had three eyes, and Alex had this weird taste in his mouth, so he was spitting it out on the table.  Dad got the cops to take him into the ER.  Big guys, practically lifted him up like a suitcase and carried him to their car.  Handcuffs and everything.  It was terrifying. 

            Alex shakes his head.  He touches the spot Jack Kerouac stabbed and erases the thought.  It works to get rid of thoughts and dreams, too.  It’s too damn cold outside so Alex heads for the coffee bar.  He has his stuff stashed behind one of the couches.  Maybe Deborah is still in town.  She’s good for a coffee and a snack.  He’ll give her a call.            

The iPhone meows.  It’s a text message from Gram:  Job apps?  Where R U staying 2nite?  Alex frowns.  He’s been looking—kind of.  He talked to Jake who has a friend who works at the smoothie place.  He even got an application from the music store, but he can’t remember where it is.  Not in his pocket.  Maybe it’s in the tent.  He’ll look later.  Meanwhile, he’ll call Deborah.  It’d be great to get laid tonight.

Alex 1

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Alex leans back on the stained sofa.  The young woman opposite him leans forward.  She is definitely interested.

            “Yeah, I’m into a Kerouac life-style.” Alex nods, giving her his most sexy smile. “You know, keeping a journal, moving around.”

            “You’re a writer?  Gathering material?”  she puts in, somewhat breathless.

 He takes a sip of his coffee, thinks, ‘oh, have I got her.’  He asks, “You live around here?”

            “Not really.  I’m at NYU.  I’m just visiting my parents during the winter break.”

            Alex knows he has to be careful because she might ask to see his work.  He did have a small pocket size notebook, but he lost it somewhere, maybe in the OWS tents.  Like his hat, that fine fedora he was wearing.  He can’t find the hat either.  But this girl, what’s her name?  Deborah.  If he plays it right, he could have a warm place to stay tonight.

            “The thing is, you know, it’s about getting out there and living, not sitting for hours in front of a screen,” Alex says.

            Deborah loses her smile and sits back.

            ‘Uh-oh,’ Alex thinks. ‘She must be a techie.’

            “I’m a comp sci major,” Deborah says, all prickly.

            Alex pulls his iPhone out of his pocket.  “Cool.  Check out this new app.”

            Deborah has to move next to him to see.

            Alex awakens on a couch in a strange room.  He is enmeshed in a dream in which a man who might have been Jack Kerouac took a huge knife and plunged it into Alex’s skull.  The Kerouac type was telling Alex to forget his dreams.  Alex touches the spot on his head above his left ear and the Kerouac dream is erased from his memory.

            The room is a spare storage room in the house that belongs to Deborah’s parents.  Alex didn’t hit the jackpot, but he did win a bed for the night.  Plus the parents are kind of old hippie types who went to college here and never left.  The house is outside of town, with no cell phone reception.  Alex thinks he’ll maybe write a road book. 

            Deborah drops Alex back in town.  He’s feeling good after coffee and a shower.  He is out of smokes again, so he calls Gram on his iPhone.

            “Hi, Gram.  I’m fine, but I’m a little hungry.”  That’s all he has to say.  She meets him at the diner.

            Gram is really his father’s stepmother, but she’s as good as a real one.  Alex sees her sitting in a booth by a window.  He slides onto the bench.  She looks him over.

            “You’re looking a lot cleaner than the last time I saw you,” she says.

            “Yep.  I got a shower this morning.”

            “Where did you sleep last night?” Gram asks. “You weren’t at the park.”

            “I slept at my friend’s house.”         

            “What friend is this?”

            “Uh—I can’t tell you the name,” Alex says.

            He orders a big breakfast: two eggs, sausage, and hash browns with toast.

            “Alex, you’ve been here for three weeks.  As far as I can tell, you’ve just been hanging out and couch-surfing.  Did you make any job applications?”

            “Yeah, well, I talked to my friend Marty, and he said he could hook me up with some guys at the computer depot.”

            “And?”

            “I’m going to call him today.  He’s been out of town.”

            Gram has those lines between her eyebrows.  “Alex, this is not part of our agreement.  You said you were going to fill out applications at some places in town.”

            “God, Gram, I’m going to, OK?”

            “But not wearing that outfit,” Gram says.  Her mouth is sewed up tight.  “And by the way, when was the last time you changed your clothes?”

            Alex throws down his fork.  “I can’t have this conversation right now.”  He picks up his coat.  “Can I have a few bucks?”

            “I told you last time that I’ll buy you things you need, but I’m not handing you cash,” Gram says.

            Alex shoves his arms into his coat.  “You and Dad, you stole four years of my life,” he says.  He picks up the four halves of toast and wraps them in a napkin.

            “Alex, you wouldn’t have been admitted if you had been healthy,” she says, but the words land on Alex’s back.

            He strides down the street in angry boots, looking for someone who will bum him a cigarette.  He really needs a smoke.

            There’s Jack Kerouac coming out of the music store.  He stops to light a cigarette.

            “Hey, Jack!”  Alex says.  “Can I bum a smoke?”

            The man looks at Alex, eyebrows up.  “Sorry, bud.  My name’s not Jack.  But you can have this one.”  He hands the lit cigarette to Alex.            

“Thanks, man.”  Alex takes a long drag off the Marlboro.