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This past January, my home internet bill was $49.98.  In February it was $73.40.   “That’s a big hike,” I thought, so I logged in to my account.  My account page online wasn’t informative, so I opted to have a chat.  I got someone named Frank. Here is what I recall of the text conversation after the ID check-in:

Me: So, Frank, why has my bill gone up $24?

Frank: Let me look it up. (pause) You had a promotion that gave you a discount of $30, but it expired. 

Me: I’m a senior, and I’m trying to reduce my expenses.  Is there any way you can lower my bill?

Frank: (explanation about my current equipment that I don’t understand)  Do you have wi-fi?

Me: I don’t know.  I thought I did.

Frank: Our records show that you only have our modem.  Do you have a router, too? It’s a tower with a light.

Me: I don’t know. (I go look).  There’s a small thing with blinking green lights and a tower thing with a blue light.

Frank:  That’s our router.  It’s not on your service.  I need the serial number to add it to your account.

(I take a photo of the serial number with my iPhone and type it into the chat. Please note: I’m not totally technologically ignorant.)

Me: Are there any new promotions that could lower my bill?

Frank: No. But the router will add $5 a month to your account.

Me: Do you realize how hilariously aggravating this is?  I called because my bill went up and now it’s going to be even higher?

Frank: blah blah…policies…blah blah

Me: I know you’re not personally responsible for this, but it is totally absurd.

Frank: Is there anything else I can help you with?

Me: (      )

P.S.  My Spectrum bill is now $80.